so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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