dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
