Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
