I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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