all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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