she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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