Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
