Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
