I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
