...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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