I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
