hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
should my penis look like a turkey
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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