I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
