I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I want is dick and wine.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
