I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
