my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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