you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
