Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Still dying that you shit outside
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
