just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
