I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
