you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
