Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
