I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
