i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
