Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
