so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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