Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
