i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
