community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
