Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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