it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
