Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
