Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
