My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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