Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
