The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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