Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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