Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
