i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
