this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
