still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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