You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
