Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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