I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
