oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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