you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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