my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
