just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
