New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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