when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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