how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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