I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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