Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
