please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
