TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
