I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
