I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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