I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
