i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
