I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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