I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
