no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
