i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
