WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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