WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
