Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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