question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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