dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
These tits shall not be calmed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
