pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
