By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the day after is always just damage control
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
