Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
