I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
