I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
