I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
