You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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