Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
