Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
