My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
