My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I party with great urgency now.
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