i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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