with your own penis?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
