He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
