Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize