Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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