He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
